At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
