I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
