What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
