She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
