I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
