when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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