Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
