There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
