Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
