oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
