hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize