I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
