It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You are a genius and a whore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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