I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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