I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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