Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
