Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
