I am spending my child support on dildos
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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