New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize