i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
