I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
