You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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