Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
