She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
