we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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