I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
