There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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