you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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