never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
