I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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