you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
