just come out here and I will go home with you...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
