last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
