I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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