Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love having hate sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
