Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
