I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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