girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
