And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
