My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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