i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
