He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
