How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
