check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
