I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
