There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
