I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize