Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
