Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We need to get me chipped asap
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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