I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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