Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
