i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
