I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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