I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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