someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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