Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
