My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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