I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
