I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
