Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
