So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You work out of a Hotel?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
