I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
