Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
