Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
