The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
