Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
