i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
